What I am wording about, in thoughts.

Playing guitar, friendship, and reconciliation

2009-04-14T21:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know where to start writing today, but last week someone told me when talking about blogging "You don't always have to write what you are doing" and the fact that I really want to keep writing even if I feel like I dont know if anyone will find what I am reading interesting whatsoever, I'm going to try doing it.

First thing that I thought I would mentioned is I am really excited for myself right now, because I am learning to play guitar! Which is something that I kind of always wanted to do but never actually thought seriously about doing it. But then about just over a week ago I was working all night at a church painting, and kind of had this revelation of sorts that I should learn to play. And I am happy to say that I spent like 2 hours tonight practicing chords and memorizing two songs that Kristina taught me, thank you! I'm so happy - If you happen to read this I hope you keep teaching me!!

Next I have to talk about how excited I am about my friendships right now. I think all of you know who you are, and just appreciate all of you so much. I want to be the best friend I can to each of you and feel just so blessed to have each of you in my life! I love hanging out with each of you. And for my friendships that aren't super great right now I want that to change too.

Last thing I wanted to write about. Reconciliation. I guess after having a conversation with my Dad tonight that I realized that I need to take more responsibility for making things right with people if I've done something wrong. And that takes humility and more, but I want to do that. I already know some people I want to talk to and make things right. Part of the reason I am telling you all this is so that maybe you'll do the same for wronged relationships. I hope so.

<3 Nate

Quick update everyone!

2009-02-25T12:41:00.000-08:00

OK So I have been in communication with the base a bit more, as well as talking to some friends and family about timing and such. Looks like I will be leaving at the end of March instead of in the middle, because a DTS is coming back right then and its going to be way to hectic apparently coming in the middle. So that's cool, end of March it is! More time to spend with all of you :)

Also I am still trying to raise monthly support! I hope some of you have considered this, and if you have I really urge you to get in touch with me! Now some good news here too: I am going to be setting up a fundraising account with YWAM Vancouver. The way this works then is that you will be donating directly to YWAM, which will handle tax receipts and stuff, and in turn they will deposit the money in my account. I will have additional details soon, so please check back!!

Thanks so much!
Nathan

I'm going to Germany!

2009-02-19T12:16:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone!

As some as of you may know by now, and the rest of you are just finding out, I applied and just recently got accepted to join staff at YWAM Herrnhut Germany! Further down in the comments section are some pictures and a map.

So to catch you all up to the basics, YWAM (Youth With A Mission) is a non for profit organization who's motto is to "Know God and to make Him known". With that in mind they run all kinds of ministries and schools all over the world and have a heavy discipleship focus.

Where am I going?
Herrnhut translates to "The Lord's Watch" It is a small German village in eastern Germany located very close to where the Czech Republic, Poland, and Germany all sort of meet. The base is actually a large "water castle" of sorts, located just outside the town. There is train that connects it with the rest of Germany. Check out this link for more information about the town: http://www.zinzendorf.com/hutton3.htm

What am I doing?
When I first get there I am not sure exactly. It is a full time staff position that involves me with the general base administration working within different areas and ministries that the base is currently involved in. That could mean things from doing general maintenance to working in the kitchen, basically finding my place and getting to work.
Eventually I hope to be staffing one of the schools the base runs, a Discipleship Training School, which is what I am very excited about. This involves one on one mentorship and discipleship and being much more involved in the students life and working alongside them with what God is doing. During this I will continue to be involved with the day to day activities of the base.
I really have a heart to make God known to the nations. And as a part of that I really feel led at this time to go there to not only see that happen in peoples lives but to be part of the transformation that God wants to do with people everywhere. The base also has a strong photography focus which I am excited about, and I will be learning German while I am there!

Where do you live?
I will in the town at a house rented out with other YWAM staff on the base. That means a half an hour walk one way to the base. I also take care of purchasing my own groceries and such.

How do you live?
YWAM staffers get no salary at all. With 30,000 something staff worldwide, that is alot of people not making money. Here you can really be a blessing to me! I am currently looking for people who will get behind me and believe with me in what God is calling to me at this time in my life.
I really am looking for people who will support me a specific amount on a monthly basis, and walking and praying along side of me at the same time! My aim at this point is to raise approximately 500$ a month of support. If you are unable to support me on a monthly basis, one time donations and your continued prayer support are huge!

Sound sweet! I want to help, how do I get do that?
Please get in touch with me personally, either by giving me a phone call, or sending me an email or message! I would really appreciate that!
780-909-7429
deallean@gmail.com

I have provided an option to set up monthly reoccurring donations through Paypal on the right hand side of my blog. Just click one to select what you would like to give. No account required! Further down on my blog is also an unsubscribe button if you would like to cancel your monthly donations.

When do you LEAVE?!
Well I am currently hoping to go sometime around the middle of this March (Soon AH!). I will be gone for an indefinite amount of time, although I think it will probably be a year or two. After I plan to come back and go to school.

Thanks everyone if you have any questions please let me know, thanks for reading!!! Check out some pictures below.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kjersti454/576566808/ <- close to the base http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephisahat/2832848484/ <- actual YWAM base http://www.flickr.com/photos/danahalferty/2831356745/ <-Herrnhut http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=Herrnhut,+Germany&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=29.219963,77.519531&ie=UTF8&ll=51.016994,14.752064&spn=0.045248,0.151405&z=13&lci=lmc:panoramio <- thats a map of where Herrnhut actually is!

Examen

2008-12-10T22:59:00.001-08:00

There is this new thing that I am going to start doing every day with the Lord to practice discernment and develop my relationship with him more. It is called examen (exAYmen), developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits. The examen is a daily practice of asking two questions, each of which may be phrased in a variety of ways.

When today did I feel the most ungrateful/unhappy/depleted? When was I least able to give and receive love? When did I feel furthest from God?When today did I feel the most joy? When was I most able to give and receive love? When did I feel closest to God?

I did it today for the first time, and it was wonderful! Helped process my entire day with the Lord, and gives me hope for tomorrow. I am excited about this, I will let you know how it goes...!

Great new band to check out!

2008-12-06T13:54:00.000-08:00

They are called MGMT, and they are amazing.

You can listen to clips at http://www.last.fm/music/MGMT
Also you can search up the tracks on http://www.playlist.com and listen to entire song.

One of my new favourite top 5 bands! <3

B&W Photography + God

2008-12-05T16:09:00.000-08:00

So I'm really excited that I am writing in my blog again, it will be shorter this time, I promise. But much more exciting than that is my day today.

Started out pretty similar to most of my other days at this point. I I got up around 11, made myself a breakfast of waffles, bacon, eggs, and orange juice, read some of Genesis 5, then wondered what to do with myself all day. I was going to do some photography, print off a form for a scholarship and also for a YWAM application, and then hope I had something to do in the evening because it is Friday. And one more thing, which I was not looking forward too. Now you may be wondering what kind of job does this fellow have, getting up at 11 and making such a wonderful breakfast, combined with doing some photography! The truth is I don't have a job. But I was looking for one, and this is where the story really takes off.

I had been working up until tuesday this week at a Walmart portrait studio, but I did not like it for various reasons (taking pictures of babies, the fact that the studio was in a McDonalds in a WalMart, the lighting.. I could go on), and I felt like God was telling me to give it up. So that was over. So I started praying again about what am I supposed to be doing right now? Today? And had no clear answer. So I watched youtube videos all afternoon. Depressing, I know. What made it more depressing was the fact that I was going to call up the boss from my old job delivery water and see if I could work there. I wasn't looking forward too working there again but was willing too. Called, and turns out he didn't have any work either.

So I decided to get up from my bed (where I was watching youtube videos) and had an idea for a picture I wanted to take standing on the High Level Bridge near my house, with my black and white film and old model Konika camera. As I walked along I was very intentional about praying and seeking the Lord's guidance, and was thinking about maybe going to Remedy Cafe and see if they were still looking for people. Nope, the sign was down there too. Damn.

Now I had no ideas left. All option had failed. I even called up my landscaping boss to see if he was painting and needed help, nada there. So I walked to the middle, was standing there praying, took the picture, and almost right after Dan Nikkel calls, I answer, He responds. I'm excited! He asks if I can work monday! What?!? How does this happen! I don't know. God must have worked it out. But I have a job now, but don't know what to do tonight. Any ideas?

Nate

One step more..

2008-12-03T23:48:00.001-08:00

...One step more, give me faith for one step more!
When the day is weary and the day is dark and dreary never fear, He is near
Dark and dreary be the day but still my Savior say "Follow me, follow me!"

Super old hymn that I couldn't even remember the words too, so I had to search on google! But I feel like that is something that is so true in my life right now, that every step I take I get a little bit closer.. a little bit closer, the whole way not really knowing what is ahead. But before I go to far let me give you a bit of a frame of reference...

I have been in this really long seeming season for almost 2 years now ever since finishing up my DTS it has been a long road. And I am not really sure what to say about anything still. I feel like I am just beginning to uncover layers upon layers of thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams and disappointments and fears and misgivings and just a whole web of tangledness so much so that I dont really know where to start. I keep thinking of ways I can write this so it makes sense to whoever is reading it, but I dont think I can because I still haven't figured it all out. I so badly want to figure out everything that is going on in my life and just have peace. Mental, spiritual and physical peace and freedom.

But how do I get that? I have come to the conclusion based on my experiences of God and reading through His word that really the only way to experience that freedom and peace is to walk intimately with Him. Last summer God asked me this question: "What is the cost of intimacy?" This question is interesting because it says a few things. The first is obvious, that there is a cost to intimacy. The second is if we are willing to pay that cost. A verse comes to mind here: "But seek first His kingdomn and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you." Jesus says this in Matthew 7, right after teaching the disciples about needing food and water, and clothes, about life, and making it very clear that all these thing God knows and really cares about, and that I am responsible first and foremost to be seeking His kingdom. I put off really choosing to walk in that from last summer till around now, but I think it is something that I will always be growing in and walking in, its not a one time decision but a daily journey. But this especially is being amplified in my life right now.

Now if you have read this far, keep reading! I'll try to keep this short..

So I am starting to walk in obedience to God, with a contrite heart and humility as much as I know how. Im saying these things partly as personal reflection, and partly to encourage. I started by walking in what I know God had spoken to me clearly, one of which was reading my bible every morning. Another was tithing. And so I just started doing those things. Pretty simple. As I began to walk in obedience to what the Lord was putting on my heart He started to move in more areas of my heart. And every day is beginning to be a journey. Of waiting for Him to come and move in my heart, and walking in obedience to the words that He is speaking to me. Some are simple, some are hard, and I have begun to realize more and more that I walk to the rythm of God's grace.

Today is the first day of my week fast from facebook. I hope this works out!
Nathan

Im writing..

2008-10-23T23:26:00.001-07:00

On my blog. Once again. And I dont have much to say, except that God is so good. So good!! And that I am going to post more photography on here soon. Be excited. Be veeery excited.

Whyte Ave

2008-09-20T09:59:00.001-07:00

Whyte Ave
Originally uploaded by Deallean

So a couple night ago I was going through flickr and found some interesting ideas for photos. One was this collage type panorama, the guy had just taken a few pictures, and posted them together to make a whole 180 degree shot. So I took my camera on down to whyte ave, took about 19 shots (all in RAW, I wanted to slay myself after for deciding to do that) brought them all into photoshop, re-sized them all one at a time (again wondering why I had taken this format of pictures) and finally spent the next hour or so slowly importing, turning, and tweeking every photo one at a time to end up with this. I really liked the unfinished look of this one. In hindsight I'll pick a more interesting location next time, but it was good for a first try :)

Pretty soon after this one was done I decided to research why in the first place did the images not line up at all, and if there was something I could do while I was taking the pictures to make them line up right off the bat. Supposedly the pictures DO line up if while you are taking the pictures you rotate the camera around its Nodal point, the point inside your camera where the light rays converge and flip over. But there is nowhere to tell you where that is, and obviously holding it would be impossible. You can get arms for putting on tripods that will let you do this, but I dont have that or a tripod. Next solution?

Autostitch! This handy little program I found while doing all this. It did in about 30 seconds what I did much less well in 2 hours. Basically you select all the pictures that go in the panorama, import them, and then after it wizzes and whirs for a few seconds out pops a complete panoramic image! Just like magic. I dont know how it does it all I know is it does it good. So head over to my flickr page to check that one out along with some other stuff I did (a panorama of my bathroom! Exciting!)

Dreams and DUM!

2008-06-02T14:56:00.000-07:00

I've been dreaming alot the past few weeks, about a large variety of interesting and odd subjects. Blowing up trains with supercharged popsicles, talking to a group of girls about deep truths and hidden knowledge, being chased through canyons and valleys up mountains by monsters, dreaming about battles and wonders and facing power and life. Those are my night dreams. But a few notes, a fleeting cloud, a beautiful sunset stirs something inside of me. Flitting images of rain drenched mountain paths winding through rainforest valleys, vast African planes with silhouettes of tall necked giraffes backdropped by a setting sun, groves of trees on sandy beaches sun seeping through, and all react the same feeling - Intimacy, or at least a desire for it.

But as much as I long for it, it is never seen in its fullness, just like a sun dripped oceanic coral has yet to be experienced by me. What do these pictures mean? And where do they come from? Just as I continue to experience these in fleeting manners, why does intimacy always seem far off? Is the distance to these wonderful places a 1:1 ratio of how far off I am from what I desire? Places that in my spiritual journey seem like they are impossible to reach? Or maybe places not yet discovered in the heart of the Creator? I hope they are places that he wants to go with me.

I've begun to understand the difference between dreams and dreads. Dreads are the fears we have projected into the future, most of it only involving ourselves, most of the time we end up being alone. But they are replaced with dreams, vibrant, colorful, intimate, when we encounter the heart of our Creator and feel the dum........dum........dum. Dum! I love you. DUM! Your special. DUMDUM!! You will never be alone.

First real post!

2008-06-01T19:08:00.000-07:00

So I tried really hard not to write two posts in one day, but decided that because the first one was really just and introduction, it didn't count as a real post, consider it fake, and me not lame, and we will get along lovely.

I think the water business is drying up. Over the cleaning of dinner dishes and tables, I think about my heart alot. Thing is it seems always to be weighty, or waity? No pun intended. Back to the water. So in case you didn't know, I deliver water for a job right now, the big 18.9L jugs that everyone is so worried about. BSA and all that. Fact: Unless you like to microwave your big bottles in real big microwaves your doing ok. Anyways, I am getting really bored with the work, I've mastered about every aspect of it, driving forklifts is as easy as driving tonka trucks, and driving the truck is as easy as driving tonka trucks too. So I need a new challenge now, one that involves something more than playing in the sandbox. I think that tomorrow I will put in my two weeks notice, and I'll let you know how it went. Ill be landscaping instead for the summer I think. Once fall rolls around I have a few ideas. Ill lay them out for you.. maybe you can help me decide? Here they are:
Option 1: YWAM Tyler Texas School of the Bible
Option 2: Grant MacEwan BA
Option 3: Overseas work with some NGO like Red Cross or UNESCO or something.
Option 4 : Mechanic Apprenticeship
Option 5: Just keep working...

Tell me what you think. Except don't say the last one. Unless you hate me and then its still not ok but atleast I will understand. I'm going to see Son of Rambow right now, looks pretty good, should be going to bed....

First wordings...

2008-06-01T18:02:00.001-07:00

So I decided to start this blog pretty randomnly and out of nowhere. Pretty normal Sunday, get up to go to Church, picnic in the park, go home take a nap, get up check facebook, then bam! stumble in to some blogs I really like, get really jealous, and decide to start my own. I guess maybe establish a bit larger of an e-presence than just having facebook allows you to have? And because I think having a journal is an incredible thing to have... except I am so sporadic with when and where I am writing that I have ended up starting about 6-7 journals.. and never finished them. Or really got close. This way is much better... because no matter which computer I get on, I'm always writing in the same place! Wonderful!

But anyways. The focus of this blog is going to be a story. Not a novel like or ficitonal type story. But a Me type story. About Me, and maybe even about You. And how wonderful both of them are.